People that just need someone to be there to care for them and listen to what they have to say. Someone who will support them and hug them… be that shoulder to cry on. So many people are suffering with mental illnesses and struggles and it just breaks my heart.
Are the people in these sufferers lives really that blind or are they ignoring obvious signs so that they don’t have to face the truth? Sometimes I think this is the case with the ones I love.
If what I feel is really real. If I could just for a moment push the darkness that plagues me out of my mind and wash it all away, watch it twirl and dance along the drain. I wish I could cleanse myself of my past, put it in a bottle and send it out to sea — to throw out the anxieties and phobias and just live for a moment as me. I often find myself gazing out the window, staring endlessly at the beauty before me and I see the beauty of life and I focus on what I’m thankful for, there is so much that I am thankful for and I wish with all my might to be as happy as a bird, wishing my life could be as simple as it is to them. I don’t want to worry, I don’t want to fear and I know it sounds so simple just to throw it all away but it’s not as easy as they say.
As I gaze out that window the sun begins to set and I feel like I am like the sun just ready to burst at the seams but something within me tells me to keep going and I stand there watching my emotions begin to set along the horizon. The cold brisk night awakens and rushes me with feelings I have not yet reached as if I could touch the galaxies above me, each star swirling around my hands. I find myself overwhelmed and surrounded by the stars, staring at the glow of moon.
The night consumes me in a way that my thoughts dig into my skin — my thoughts always had this way of telling me how to feel and it’s funny really.. how thoughts are like waves.
They come crashing in and then they fade, they pull away and then they consume you — if you’re too close you might just drown. Your memories are like the tide, pushing you and pulling you, wrapping you up in thoughts and you feel weak and you feel like giving in. But you have to fight even if you want to give up… you have to fight for you. You have to get past that wave and learn to swim, you have to reach the shore again.
Each day is a battle just to get out of bed but I remember that there’s so much more life to be had and there’s so much beauty that I will miss and so I stand to see another day and it’s a day I don’t regret. I find myself once again looking outward and for a moment I realize that everything is going to be OK, all my fears and anxieties wash away and in that moment I can see that there’s so much left to my story. My past does not define me and knowing that alone, helps me realize that I can finally begin to focus on me and who I have become.
Give yourself time to heal, give your heart time to build it’s strength. Courage will find you.